


Don't Make Me Love You

by FairyLights101



Series: Ereri Week 2015 [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ereri Week, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Violence, ereri, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 07:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4051909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyLights101/pseuds/FairyLights101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself, fighting for some shred of control to contain his emotions, to reschool his face into emptiness. It didn't work, it couldn't. He was too far gone, too far over the edge to possibly climb back up. Warm hands touched his elbows and he flinched away from the touch, eyes clenching tighter. "Just hit me, beat me, h-hate me. Make it easy for me to hate you, to stop loving you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Make Me Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Ereri Week Day 1: Pining

Eren Yeager was, without a doubt, the hottest man in town. His eyes were oceans, the kind that lay far beyond the reaches of their tiny town that wasn't even a blip on most chestnut brown hair was always wild, not to mention soft.

Too bad friendly little touches had long since ceased to satisfy Levi. Too bad that he was just seventeen and crushing hard on a many nearly twice his age. A man who also happened to be the young, delightfully single father of his best friend, Isabel. The man who just so happened to be strutting through his yard down the street, shirt left in places unknown and leaving his lithe, tan chest bare to the world.

Had Levi been a little more desperate or brave he would have whipped out a camera and snapped a few pictures for later. It was sorely tempting, but the repercussions if Kenny chanced upon them made the idea significantly less appealing. So instead Levi stored the images away in his mind, searing them into place so he could call upon them later.

He peeled away from the window after a few minutes, too wary of being caught to linger much longer. Not only that, but there were things to be done, chores that had to be completed before Kenny returned home and found another reason to beat him, not that he really needed one anyway.

It was fortunate that Levi didn't mind cleaning. Hell, he  _enjoyed_  it. It was a blissfully mind-numbing activity that he could throw himself into whenever he needed to.

Levi dusted every surface in the house first, pausing occasionally to collect and dispose of various alcohol bottles that had accumulated overnight and while he had been at school.  _Disgusting. Absolutely fucking disgusting_. The windows were next, scrubbed until what little grime clung to them disappeared. Levi vacuumed and mopped after.

The stickiness underfoot from spilled liquor was too much for him. Even though he didn't really have the time to spare Levi still ceased his flurry of activity long enough to scrub the bottoms of his feet raw.

 _Filthy. So, so filthy. Eren. Think of Eren. He isn't filthy_.

Ever since he had realized that his admiration for the older man was something entirely different, something far more consuming, tantalizing, and dangerous, he had dropped "Mr. Yeager" or even "Dad" for simply "Eren."

Eren, who always welcomed his presence in their home and never questioned it when he needed a place to stay in order to escape Kenny's wrath. Eren, who cooked absolutely fantastic meals that were to die for. Eren, who wore attire that never should have been allowed,  _especially_  on a veritable Greek god like him. Tight tank tops that showed off bronzed skin and rippling muscles, jeans that perfectly framed his ass and flaunted his build, low-slung swimming trunks that beautifully accentuated his slender hips.

Levi released a heavy sigh and let his head hit the wall, though he couldn't wipe the slight smile off his face or calm the flutters in his stomach. "I really do have it bad…"

Thankfully, it was bearable for the most part, even when their relationship still had yet to stray from that damnable platonic state. Still, every little gesture was appreciated immensely, studied carefully and interpreted in the hopes of finding some deeper meaning, like the leftovers he had brought home with him the day before which were sitting in the microwave being blasted into an edible state of warmth. It was halfway done when the phone went off, its blaring rings filling the empty house. Levi swept it off the cradle, sparing only a moment to glance at the Caller ID before answering it.

" _Big Bro!"_

"Hey, Isabel." The younger teen groaned, a shuffling sound mixing with it, then a thump.

" _Trisha and I aren't understanding this homework at_ _ **all**_ _! Ugh, why do we have to take so much maaaaath?"_

"Because it's the law, otherwise, I don't fucking know. You tried Farlan? He should be done with band."

" _Yeah, but he has too much homework to help! He hasn't sent me a text in thirty minutes either so I figured you could help."_

Levi pulled the steaming bowl from the microwave, stirred the contents, and spooned some of the spicy curry and rice into a bowl. What could he say? Food was important as well. "And what makes you think I'll help?"

" _Big Bro!"_  Isabel groaned and there was another thump, likely her smacking a pillow.  _"C'mon, Levi! Please! You're so good at math!"_

Levi chuckled and sank down at the table, empty as always. Empty in ways that the Yeager's home never was. And he  _missed_ it. "Fine, fine, I'll he-" A door slammed shut, the loud bang resounding through the quiet house and cutting his words off. Levi froze, his blood running cold.

" _Levi?"_

"Izzy… I'll call you back."

He ended the call before she could protest it. She couldn't hear what could come next, not because he didn't trust her but because he couldn't bear to let her know more than she already did. He was her invincible Big bro, the one she went to for help with homework and ran to after rights with asshole kids. The one who never bowed his head and submitted to anything or anyone.

She and her father knew Kenny hit him, but only Eren knew the most, which wasn't even that much in the end. They didn't know the extent, the frequency. Levi had tried to report it once but either the police didn't care enough or there "wasn't enough evidence" or some bullshit like that.

He'd been beaten black and blue when Kenny discovered what he had attempted to do.

Heavy feet connected with the steps. Muted grumbles mixed with the thumps. Levi set his fork down beside the phone. His stomach was in knots though his face was perfectly schooled into a blank expression.

 _Be small. Don't draw attention_.

Long ago he had learned the best way to evade a beating was to remain unseen, to shrink into himself and blend in with the background the best he could. Easier said than done, especially when one never knew what a drunk would or wouldn't notice. He'd learned that fighting back wasn't wise either - he was too small, easily half the weight of Kenny and certainly half the muscle, even if his were solid and not destroyed by booze and a shitty diet.

The stench of alcohol and sweat preceded Kenny before he lurched into the kitchen, hat askew, tie loose, and a half-full bottle of whiskey clutched tight in one hand. It only took a moment for those beady dark brown eyes to find Levi and another for his body to completely twist toward him. He managed to dodge the first that flew for his face but stepped straight into the foot that swept his feet out from beneath him.

Levi hit the ground hard, pain shooting up his leg and radiating through his right side. A boot-clad foot caught him in the chest, flipping him onto his back and ripping his breath away. He scrabbled at the ground and his throat, fighting for air as those heavy feet came closer. Kenny loomed over him, a dark shadow of drunken fury. "Fuckin' worthless little shit.. Can't do a damn thing right."

The teen didn't reply, saving what little breath he had as he brought his arms up in front of his chest. He couldn't fight. Doing so was useless - it only made things worse in the end. His uncle was strong and heavy, as well as a man capable of holding his drinks. "Don't know why I took you in. Shoulda just dumped your ass in a home."

Another swift kick, this one to his hip, then another to his ribs before a heel planted onto his chest, grinding his hand down into it,  _crushing him_. Levi gasped and twisted beneath it, pain burning through his limbs, urging him on. He knew from experience that if Kenny kept applying pressure, if he didn't let up there would be broken bones and excruciating agony in his chest for weeks on end.

He lashed out and caught the ankle above his chest, somehow ripping it off long enough to roll out from beneath the heavy weight and unbalancing Kenny. His uncle was on him a moment later, catching him by his collar and jerking him up until his toes barely touched the floor.

A heavy fist connected with his stomach, chest, face, stomach again. Only one blow to the face - couldn't have too much visible damage - but there was an endless barrage to his chest.

Pain followed every sickening thud, growing duller by the moment. Dark spots danced in his vision, teasing him with unconsciousness from the lack of oxygen, knocked out before he could draw in enough to feed his starving lungs. Everything ached. There was no energy to move, to resist the hand that held him in the air, to escape, to fight.

_No… Fight. For Izzy. Farlan. Eren._

Levi twisted in Kenny's grip, lashing out blindly with his legs. One connected, then the other, followed by painted grunts as the hand clutching his collar loosened slightly, going completely slack and dropping him to the floor with a solid thunk when his fist connected with Kenny's cheek. Pain radiated through his knuckles, a dull throb compared to the rest, to the fire searing through his leg.

Sweet air filled his lungs, finally unhindered by an endless rain of blows. Wild silver eyes snapped up and found Kenny. His uncle was slumped on the ground, one hand running across his cheek in blank surprise. Levi didn't waste a second. He scrambled to his feet, pushing past all the agony thrumming through his body as he limped away, left leg threatening to give out beneath him.

He managed to make it to the door before the bottle of booze smashed into the floor behind him, alcohol and glass hitting his legs. He didn't stop. He dragged on, forcing himself down the shadow-drenched street. His mind was on auto-pilot, feet moving until they finally stilled before a familiar red door - the one he had painted with Isabel five years ago. Levi knocked on the door, swaying slightly until he slumped back against the railing.

_I shouldn't be here. Should've gone upstairs. Should've…_

The door swung open, light spilling across the porch and blinding him. "Levi? Isabel isn't home-" His words tapered off, fading into the night as those beautiful emerald irises raked over him, taking in his appearance.  _I must look like shit_.

A tentative hand rose toward his face. Levi congratulated himself on not flinching at the movement, though he couldn't help but wince as those warm fingers grazed across the swollen flesh of his cheek. "Did Kenny…?"

Levi remained silent. He knew he could trust Eren with the truth - that was a fact that was set in steel. But he held himself back. He had dealt with it for ten years. It could be tolerated for a little longer, just until graduation. Eren sighed and gently tugged Levi into a gentle hug, the warmth of his body enveloping Levi, mixing with the familiar scent of soap and coffee. Tears burned in his eyes, threatening to overflow and betray him, even as he bit his tongue to force them back.

 _Why does he get to break my walls so easily? Why does he only touch me like this? Like I'm just a kid?_ Levi sniffed, choking on the bitter thoughts and the lock in his throat even as Eren led him in, immediately taking some of his weight to help him limp into the house.

The man he was so hopelessly enamoured with eased him onto the couch before he disappeared to find the first aid kit. Dull silver orbs flicked around, roaming over the home he practically lived in until they settled on the window across the room, his reflection staring back from the black glass. Blood crusted his upper lip and the side of his mouth. One cheek was swollen, already discoloring.  _Ah… I hadn't realized…_

Quiet footsteps alerted him and he glanced up as Eren strode into view, his sweats slung tantalizingly low and his broad, muscular shoulders exposed from the snug black tank top. For once, it really didn't matter, not much anyway.

"Here." An ice pack was pressed into his hands, then onto his leg when he failed to move. "Put it where it hurts the most. I'll look at it in a moment."

Levi dipped his head and obediently set it on his knee where a persistent ache originated from. Eren shot him a small smile, the kind that made his heart give an all too familiar, painful throb.

Eren settled on the coffee table before him, first aid kit open beside him. The teen held still as Eren leaned close, oh so close, and started to dab at his face, gently wiping away the blood that stained his skin. Levi couldn't quite breathe, a deer caught in headlights as he stared into those lustrous turquoise orbs, then down to those soft, full lips before he forced his eyes back up. Careful fingers brushed across his nose pressing just hard enough to feel the lack of breaks before he leans back.

"Alright, do you mind taking your pants off?"

 _For you, any day_. The thought was automatic in his daze, though there was really nothing behind it. Thankfully, the words never passed his lips.

But the flush on Eren's face made him smile, just a little, as the older man rushed on. "So I can examine your leg, I mean."

 _Maybe next time then_.

"Fucking hell… Ugh, lemme just go get you a change of clothes so you won't feel uncomfortable." Eren helped him rise and limp down the hall to the bathroom before fetching a pair of sweats and a T-shirt, both of which were too large. The sweats had drawstrings at least but the collar of the shirt hung off one of his shoulders. Though, that didn't matter. Eren was either oblivious to his four years worth of advances or was all too aware and resolutely determined to dodge them.

Levi sighed and peered into the mirror. What was there to like? He might have been considered hot shit in the school, but that didn't exactly mean much to an adult. It didn't help that he was small, barely over five feet and slender but muscular. There were dark bags eternally set beneath his eyes he had a terrible chase of chronic resting bitch face, and always had a new bruise  _somewhere_  on his body.

And he was only seventeen, one year away from legal adulthood. Still a child in the eyes of society, and one that didn't even have a job on top of that. Compared to people like Mr. Jean fucking Kirstein, he had nothing to offer. Absolutely nothing.

 _Fuck life. Fuck it all._  Levi limped out of the bathroom and sank down onto the couch before Eren again. He wordlessly stretching his leg out and let Eren touch it, his warm, gentle fingers gliding along and putting his athletic trainer skills to use. Eventually those beautiful greens flicked up, a sweet heart-piercing smile accompanying them.

"Luckily it's just a sprain and some deep bruises, though both are pretty bad. I'll wrap it but make sure you rewrap it tight and alternate twenty minutes of ice and heat, as well as doing some stretches - with  _no pain_. I'll give you the stretches in the morning." Eren's touch lingered on his leg as those blue-green eyes swept over him, inquisitive and concerned rather than the heated gaze Levi longed for. "Levi.. Kenny is the one doing this, isn't he?"

Levi scowled and fixed a glare on his knees, biting his tongue to hold the tide back. He wouldn't say anything. It was too late to matter.

"Damn him…" Or maybe his silence was all the answer Eren needed to the question he had never gotten a concrete answer for. "Levi… why don't you say anything? Why haven't you reported him?" There was a burn in the back of his eyes and an ache in his throat.

Levi dug his nails into his knees, drawing on the pain to choke back the tears, the weakness. "It… it doesn't matter."

Fuck, he was so hoarse, so faltering, but he couldn't help it. It was so fucking hard to stay strong around Eren, to not spill his guts whenever he turned those luminous green puppy eyes onto him. Eren leaned forward and all Levi wanted to do was grab his shoulders and jerk him forward to silence him, to kiss him, to drown in everything that was  _Eren_.

"Levi…"

Fuck him for sounding so worried, for pushing so far, for always being there when he needed him, for being the object of his pitiful adoration.

"It  _does_  matter.  _You_  matter. So don't let him do this. Please. If not for yourself, then for Isabel. For Farlan. For me."

 _Fuck you for caring. Fuck you for making this so hard. Fuck you for making me love you_. Levi leaned forward and reached out. It was all too easy to take hold of Eren's bare shoulder, to pull him in and crush their mouths together. His mouth was everything Levi had ever dreamed of and so, so much more. Lips that were just soft and full enough, that tasted faintly of coffee and mint.

His fingers tightened on Eren's shoulder as he stared into those beautiful ocean irises that were so utterly filled with shock. A hand came up only to press into his chest instead of weaving through his hair. A gentle push forced them apart. "Levi-"

He lunged back in, crashing their mouths back together and clamping his eyes shut to squeeze the tears away. They broke past his dams anyway, rushing down his cheeks, the countless years worth of tears overwhelming him. Levi's hands moved to cup Eren's face, gentle and firm. His shoulders jerked with a silent sob as he nipped at that sweet mouth that filled his dreams, his fantasies.

It opened up beneath his bite and Levi pressed in, tipping his head to the side. His neck ached from the awkward angle, as did the blossoming bruises on his abdomen. It didn't matter. None of it did. All that mattered was the way teeth nipped back and a tongue danced with his and the fingers that tangled through his hair, tugging gently at it. Levi was high on it, clouds flooding through his skull and filling him with a dizzying rush., one that pounded through his veins and ignited every cell of his being.

They parted together, breathing hard, mouths swollen, and eyes a little dazed. The teen stared at Eren, his foggy mind slowly making connections as they eyed each other.  _I kissed him. And he kissed me back_. A hazy smile curled at his lips.  _Finally_. Eren's mouth finally closed and he looked away, cheeks darkening and eyes uncertain. "I… I shouldn't have done that."

Levi's heart managed to soar for a few more seconds before it plummeted straight down to the sharp rocks that Eren had thrown him down upon. Eren pressed his face into his hands and groaned quietly. "You still aren't legally an adult… God, I thought if I ignored it long enough you'd grow out of it… Shit, Levi, I'm sorry. I shouldn't-"

"Don't invalidate my feelings!" Levi jerked up off the couch, immediately regretting it when a bolt of pain shot through his leg and chest but he didn't sit back down. He forced himself to stand, eyes narrowed and a snarl curling at his lips. White-hot anger pulsed through his veins, egging him on and on and  _on_. "Don't say it's something I'll just fucking grow out of. Don't act like I'm just some hormonal teenage brat who doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Just  _don't_! I'm not a fucking child and my feelings aren't some pathetic schoolyard  _crush_. So just… just… Let me… Let me have this, these pathetic, hopeless feelings… Something that isn't f-fucking shit…  _please_ …"

Levi's shoulders hitched and his eyes screwed up, hot fat tears dripping down his cheeks. He hated crying, he hated it so fucking  _much_ , but he couldn't make himself stop. He was too emotionally wrecked to hold them back no matter how much he dug into his palms. "Please…"

There was so little in life going for him: a father who had never been in the picture; a mother who had committed suicide and left him to find the body when he was seven; an uncle who had taken him in and abused him for ten years. Only Farlan and Isabel and Eren made his life worth living.

 _Go ahead. Tell me I'm too young, that I don't really love you. Tell me to forget about this, to go back home. It doesn't matter anymore._  Levi shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself, fighting for some shred of control to contain his emotions, to reschool his face into emptiness. It didn't work, it couldn't. He was too far gone, too far over the edge to possibly climb back up. Warm hands touched his elbows and he flinched away from the touch, eyes clenching tighter. "Just hit me, beat me,  _h-hate_  me. Make it easy for me to hate you, to stop  _loving you_."

Strong arms looped around his chest and tugged him in, crushing him into a familiar solid chest that smelled of soap and spices and  _home_. Not the one he had lived in with his mother. Not the one with his uncle. No, it smelled of the home he entered as though he actually lived there; the one where he had spent countless long afternoons eating gooey chocolate chip cookies while drinking cool lemonade with the Yeagers; finding comfort and love within those walls, the kind he couldn't find elsewhere. Weak hands rose up and pushed at Eren's chest but the man didn't even shift. He pressed one hand to the back of Levi's head instead as the other held his hip, wrapped tight around his body.

"Levi… Levi, I would never… I would never hurt you."

_You hurt me every day when I know that I can't have you, that I can't give you what Mr. Jean fucking Kirstein can. That I know I'll keep chasing after you like some pathetic brat because I can't give up and you'll never give in. Because you give me kindness I don't deserve._

It hurt so much that he couldn't breathe sometimes, that a deadly ache gripped his chest and refused to let him go. He was tight within the clutch of its talons and unable to break free. Or maybe he just didn't want to. He had accepted the pain, the ache of knowing his feelings would never be reciprocated.  _If it had just stayed that way…_

"Don't… don't..."  _Don't have me. Don't push me away, make me go. Don't lie to me_. Levi's fingers tightened in Eren's shirt as his forehead pressed against that warm, solid chest. His shoulders trembled and his eyes burned but the tears were gone, unable to fall any longer. "Just don't… don't pretend you care that I matter. I'm… I'm just a kid, right?"

"Levi… no, Levi, you're anything but. You're..." Eren sighed. The hand on the back of Levi's neck moved, tracing over the flesh of his neck to cup his cheek and tip his head up. Grays and greens met and froze, unable to pull away. "I've… I've been telling myself that for years. That you're a kid. But you aren't. You grew up so fast… And… It's been getting harder and harder to think of you as a child and not as a young man. Since I… realized I liked you a lot more than I should."

Everything slammed to a stop. His hands went limp against Eren's chest, the heart beneath his hand thumping in the even tempo he lacked. A warm smile met his wide eyes, inching closer and closer until a soft mouth brushed over his. "I can't tell whether I should thank you or curse you for being so persistent."

Levi's eyes screwed shut as his shoulders hitched again, a fresh wave of tears rushing down his cheeks. Gentle hands cupped his face as Eren kissed his cheeks and wiped them away as quick as they appeared. They found each other after a few moments, mouths hesitant at first before courage filtered in and they drove deeper, rougher. Long fingers combed through his hair, pushing it back and tugging on it gently. A shuddering sigh escaped Levi as his hands left Eren's chest to wrap around his neck, pressing their bodies closer together. They parted with soft sighs, foreheads pressing together as they loosely clutched at each other.

"Levi… I'm sorry. I should have done something sooner."

"You and me both."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Have a wonderful day/night/existence~


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